Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
Little spoons don't ask big questions
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
Randomize
