I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Randomize
