Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
Randomize
