we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
Terrible idea I love it
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
Randomize
