I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
Randomize
