apparently the secret to your success is patron
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
Randomize
