Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
Randomize
