A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
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