I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
Randomize
