he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
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