she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
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