If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
