Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Randomize
