The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
he just fucked me for my cheese.
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
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