No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Randomize
