Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
