How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
Randomize
