you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
Randomize
