So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
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