I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
Randomize
