Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
