so explain again why im purple
no
I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
from now on my penis is your penis
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
Randomize
