wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
