idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
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