i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Randomize
