I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
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