I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
Randomize
