dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
