dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
you had me at cake vodka
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
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