we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
Randomize
