watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
