We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
Randomize
