He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
nutella sex= disaster
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
Randomize
