we'll go far in life on tits alone.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Randomize
