why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
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