What did I eat last night that was bloody?
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
Randomize
