I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
Randomize
