Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
Randomize