Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
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