Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
this will be a night to untag.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
