Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Randomize
