You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
My vagina is officially offended.
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
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