i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
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