I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
Randomize
