whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
Randomize
