so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
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