Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
my shit smells like andre
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
We have so much sex to catch up on
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
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