im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Randomize
