i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
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