i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
