you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
