Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Randomize
